Helping Friends find the Right Community

Togetherness

I’ve got a friend who just moved into a senior housing.  Her children live miles away from here, and as she gets older, she has decided that her best bet is to move into a an independent living community.  As she’s gone through this process, I’ve helped her with some of the aspects of the move and, through it, have gained a better appreciation for the role that friends can play during this time in life.

If you’ve got a friend who needs your help in finding the right retirement community, here are some tips:

Ask first. Before moving forward with any of these other suggestions, make sure to ask whether or not your friend wants help.  It seems like common sense, but not everyone wants a companion when they visit retirement communities.

Offer to drive. The retirement community that my friend ended up picking was right down the street from her old apartment complex, but having me there to make sure that we arrived on time, drive her, and drop her off at the door really helped her focus on making the most out of the visit.

Help carry papers or purses. The marketing department will offer you all sorts of goodies during your visit: a folder containing community information, a bottle of water, etc. It’s a lot to handle, especially for a person with mobility issues.  Bringing a backpack or even just offering to help carry these items can be very helpful.

Make a list of questions beforehand. When in the thick of things, it’s hard to remember which items are important.  Consider helping your friend write down a list of questions ahead of time.  Carry the list in your pocket so that it’s easy to reach during the marketing visit.

Offer emotional support. The idea of moving to senior housing can be very stressful for some people.  Seniors often just need a friend to hear their concerns.  Try to focus on listening, and let them discuss their concerns.

Try not to push the issue one way or another. It may be blatantly obvious to you which decision is “the best,” but try to let your friend work through the decision on her own.

Allow her time to come to an independent conclusion. Again, it may be hard to be patient.  But, most people will recognize when they need help.  If you can, allow your friend time to come to a decision regarding her move.

After visiting the local retirement community with my friend, we went out for Chinese food and discussed our impressions of the visit.  At the time, she was against moving, since her apartment offered numerous advantages over the retirement community.  After several months of consideration, she finally decided to move.  Now that she’s been in her new apartment for a few weeks, she wishes that she had moved earlier!

Gone are the days when we could rely on our family to handle all of our aging needs.  Seniors who have no close family members benefit from the trusted companionship of friends.  If you’ve got a friend who is interested in moving into senior housing and has asked for your help, don’t hesitate to tag along and lend a helping hand.

Want to learn more about senior housing? Check out these other articles:

Why it’s not a good idea to get pushy with a senior housing decision.

Signs of trouble in any community.

How to time your move into a CCRC.

Slightly scary articles about senior housing.